theROCK

Perfection and Mercy

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I have always had really high standards, for myself and for others. I have lived my life demanding excellence because, as my father said growing up: “If you are going to do something, do it to the best of your ability or don’t do it at all.” With this mindset, I have lived a great deal of my life as a perfectionist.

Recently, however, I went through a really difficult stretch of life where I couldn’t be perfect, no matter how hard I tried. Due to a series of very unfortunate events all stacked on top of each other, I was actually just trying to make it out of bed every day and keep my family going. Perfection was replaced with survival.

It was in this time of darkness that God worked a wonderful work of healing within me. He showed me the depth of His mercy. That while He does desire Christ-like excellence from us, He sees our heart, the depth of our love for Him. He sees how hard we are trying. God is as merciful as He is exacting.

This tension, between God’s high standards and His mercy, is present in today’s Gospel. He, the King, is throwing a banquet and casting out invitations to everyone and anyone who wants to come. And yet, he casts out the person who showed up without the appropriate attire. Why? Because God doesn’t just want us to show up. He doesn’t want the bare minimum from us. He wants our best. And sometimes, our best is making it to Church in spit-up stained leggings and T-Shirt because we barely made it out the door. And sometimes our best is as close to perfection as a person can get on earth. He knows the circumstances of our lives. He knows the intention of our heart. He is deeply compassionate and merciful. But we also have to do more than just show up. We have to give Him our very best, whatever that may look like.

Good Intentions

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As I read about the five wise virgins and the five foolish virgins I was reminded of formation. We were told to keep our priorities in order. As deacons we would need to balance our spiritual life, our family, our jobs, and our ministry; in that order. Failure to maintain the proper balance in any one of these areas would certainly lead to failures in the others.

In the third year of formation I was struggling to see my children and grandchildren. I was getting my work done, completing all of my assignments and placements for formation, but I wasn’t able to spend much time with the people most important to me. I remember deciding that on Sunday afternoons I would spend time with family, regardless of the status of work or diaconate studies.

Sunday after Sunday I visited my children and grandchildren for four to five hours. We would play, chat, have dinner, and enjoy each other. Much to my surprise, all of the work still got done.

As I reflected on today’s reading I realized that I don’t recall Jesus ever telling us to buckle down and just get things done. Rather he asks us to be compassionate, to be loving, to be kind, and to care for our brother. It's our broken nature that says I will have time for “insert whatever relationship we are putting off” in the future.  Unfortunately, there really is no future. We are all moving through time. Time we can never get back. The wise virgin realizes this and takes care of what is most important right now, while the foolish virgin puts it off with the intention of accomplishing it in the future, a future that may never come. The question for all of us is are we the wise or foolish virgin?