theROCK

Pursue Reconciliation

Jesus’ message in the Matthew 18:15-20 is clear and simple – but far from easy. Resolving conflict can be painful, confusing, and difficult. But Jesus is the divine physician – not only healer and savior of our souls, but also the healer of our earthly relationships. Sometimes pain caused between two people is so harmful, so damaging, and so deep, that it may seem impossible that it can be healed or fixed. But the love of Jesus can and will break every chain, heal every broken heart, and extinguish all bitterness and resentment if we fully entrust ourselves to him.

Telling someone they hurt you takes courage. Asking forgiveness is vulnerable and humbling. It seems so simple, but when emotions get involved, trust is broken, and betrayal and hurt are at the forefront, it can be challenging what steps forward to take. How many times have I taken the easy way out by ignoring the hurt someone caused me, allowing it to fester, and building up resentment towards them? How many times have I also made excuses, trying to justify my actions instead of owning the hurt I caused someone else and asking their forgiveness?

The passage wraps up in a way that’s seemingly unrelated to his first instruction for reconciliation, but I think Jesus is getting at this: the only way Christ can be truly present among us is if we have peace and unity in the body of Christ. Where there is brokenness in the body, healing must occur. For healing to happen, the process of reconciliation must be initiated. But whose responsibility is it? Who is to blame? Should I make the first move or is it on them?

Here’s 4 valuable steps I have learned when it comes to conflict resolution in relationships based on this Biblical passage:

1. Whether you hurt someone or they hurt you, it is both parties’ responsibilities to pursue reconciliation. As the offended, it can be easy to pridefully wait for your accuser to admit their fault. Move past your pride, approach the person, and tell them how and why they hurt you and how that’s affected you. Give them an opportunity to apologize. You MUST do this, even if you think you aren’t ready to forgive them. As the offender, if you know you caused someone damage, approach them to apologize for your actions, recognize the pain that was caused, and ask them what it will take to move forward. And ask their forgiveness. In both cases – take the initiative and don’t expect the other person to do so. Both people can come away with a better understanding of the other person.
2. Tell the person how they hurt you, between just you and them. Leave others out of it. Do not gossip, do not complain about it. If it is helpful, speak to a mentor or a very close friend who will not spread rumors, but is sincerely there to help you and support you through it. Bringing others into the conflict will only hurt and compromise other relationships.
3. Don’t do nothing. “Time heals all wounds” is completely false. Time can help heal, but without pursuit of reconciliation and forgiveness, there can be no real healing. Do not brood over an offense – speak about it directly, privately, and face to face. The longer you wait, the longer the unopened wound goes untreated.
4. And rely on Jesus. Ask Jesus to heal and comfort the person’s soul whom you hurt. And if you have been hurt, pray for your offender, because they are also suffering. Rely on the Divine Physician to do the work that we can’t – which is healing. Fix your eyes on the cross and allow his forgiveness for every offense ever done to wash over you and your current situation.

Listen to Him

I have been pondering the reading about the Transfiguration of Jesus as told in Matthew 17, in which it states that Jesus’ clothing and appearance changed right before the eyes of Peter, James, and John: “His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.” It is in this very moment that Jesus is confirmed to be the bridging point between Heaven and earth – the confirmation of his own divinity and the fulfillment of Old Testament prophets/scriptures. And, in that very moment, God spoke to the three of them who were gathered with Jesus in a very concise manner. God said: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased. Listen to him!”

And that was all God said – but such gravitas in those words that were spoken! I am especially drawn to those final three words and how simple a command to give. And, yet, for many it is so very hard to do. Jesus tells us to not harden our hearts against those who are in most need. Yet, our world is torn apart by violence, hatred, and bigotry. Jesus tells us to love one another and to forgive those who have wronged us as we expect them to forgive us when we wrong them. Yet, pride is a potent poison that seeps deep inside of us and ensnares us mightily. Jesus asks us to give up what we have, pick up the cross, and follow him. Yet, we allow ourselves to be dragged and weighed down by material possessions, worries, and uncontrollable forces. As hard as it is, we have the greatest guidance in how to alleviate these issues from our hearts and souls:
Listen. To. Him.
He hears us – especially when we pray.
He sees us – in our moments of elation and in our moments of sorrow.
He loves us – always and forever.

Live Loved

Have you ever experienced an epiphany? That moment when everything you thought or ever believed was forever changed, but for the better. I sure did. My epiphany came when I was sixteen years old. This is the moment when I realized that the only love I ever needed, or shall I say needed to accept, was that of Jesus. For you see, when I was sixteen, I attempted to take my life because I just didn’t feel loved. I felt alone. I felt unwanted. This was all despite the tremendous love I knew I had from my family and friends. I was craving something more and just wasn’t getting it. I knew that love existed in Heaven. As it dawned on me what I was doing and what that meant for my soul, I prayed to Jesus that, should He get me out of this situation, I would surrender my life to Him. In trying to end my life, I saved it by placing it squarely in His hands. That epiphany carries me through life: Lord, my life is in your hands. The love I knew, but hadn’t accepted, was the love of Jesus, even though I had known Him my whole life.

While I have lots of words to express my love for Jesus and my undying appreciation for Him and His Blessed Mother, I wish to share with you the words of author Max Lucado from a small little booklet entitled A Love Worth Giving To You at Christmas (2002).

Accept the love that came in the form of a newborn babe. Accept the forgiveness and grace bought for you through the cruel, nail-piercing reality of the Cross. Accept his love won for you through the victory of his resurrection. Let this love worth giving fill you, flood you, and change you forever. Live in the knowledge and acceptance of this love. Live loved.

Remember, God loves you simply because he has chosen to do so. He loves you when you don’t feel lovely. He loves you when no one else loves you. Others may abandon you, divorce you, and ignore you, but God will love you. Always. No matter what.

It is love worth giving. To you.