theROCK

Our Primary Vocation

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Your family is your primary vocation”?

Full disclosure, I think it’s time to retire that phrase. In my experience, a misunderstanding of what that actually means has created an idolatry of family life. Let me explain.

When the Church uses the phrase “family as primary vocation,” they are NOT saying “your family is the most important call in your life and everything else comes second.” It sounds like that's what they are saying, but we have to understand what “primary vocation” means in this context. Because for the longest time I thought, and many of us think, the most important thing we will do in our life is be a spouse and a parent, maybe even a grandparent. But this is false. You read that correctly. This is a misunderstanding of what the Church teaches.

Our most important vocation, our highest call, is to holiness. It is to be saints. It is to be completely and perfectly united to Jesus. THAT is our primary vocation. THAT is the most important thing we will do with our life. Everything else in life is meant to serve the purpose of drawing us closer to Jesus. Including our family. So when we talk about family as the “primary vocation,’ we are talking about family as the primary avenue God designed to draw you closer to Him. Just as for our priests, priesthood is their “primary vocation”–the primary way God leads them to Him. Our lower case primary vocation is meant to serve the uppercase Primary Vocation of holiness and becoming saints. The vocation is not the goal. It is the way we reach the goal.

But that isn’t how we are often taught that phrase. Instead, we have taken it to mean that God gave me my family and so dedicating all of myself to my family is actually what God wants. And while that is kind of true (please do dedicate yourself to your family), it also tends to mean that we dedicate ourselves to our family at the expense of dedicating ourselves to God. And that’s where we get it wrong. We skip Mass to go to sporting events because hey, that’s my primary vocation right? This is what I’m supposed to prioritize! We over book our calendars, focusing on the kids, not leaving any time for personal prayer. And we console ourselves that “hey, someday they will be out of the house” or “someday I’ll be retired and have more time for God,” completely ignoring the fact that God wants you to be present to Him now, always, in every stage of life.

When we put our family (or career or religious call for that matter) above our relationship with Jesus, we make an idol of the very thing that was meant to lead us closer to Jesus. We must reorder our lives according to the true order: God first and everything else (including our family) after. It is a hard shift to make. But when we put God first, everything else has a way of falling into place.

Identity Crisis

When you were a kid, what did you think it meant to be an adult? Get married? Have kids? Buy a house? Build a career? And once you did all those things, then what? Get promotions? Help your kids get into college? And once those are or were complete, what next? Once your kids are in college and out of the house, how will you define your life? After you retire, what then?

I think the way we have come to define our lives—by these worldly, societal values—has created in many of us a reoccurring identity crisis. We set our eyes on these goals and find life’s meaning in accomplishing them, make our entire identities about them, and once we meet them, then what? Who am I now that I’ve met all the goals and checked all the boxes of adulthood? Who am I now that I’m retired? Who am I now that my kids don’t really need me anymore? Oh…but grandkids!

You see, the problem isn’t that these goals are bad. No, family, job, house, are all wonderful and important parts of life, but they are ultimately NOT what define us as humans. Our life is not meant to be defined by the things that we do. It was defined for us before we were even born: “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5).

I’d like to propose the idea that we as a society, are setting our goals too low. We are looking to the things of this world to define us and give life meaning (family, job, etc.), instead of the things of God. And as a result, we are experiencing tremendous identity crisis.

We were made to be saints. Every single one of us. Pope Francis tells us “The Lord wants us to be saints and not to settle for a bland and mediocre existence” (Gaudete et exsultate, 1). The Catechism of the Catholic Church goes on to say: “All Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life…All are called to holiness” (CCC, 2013).

THIS is the ultimate goal for all humans: to be holy, to be saints. That is our true identity. And the makeup of our life – our family, our careers, etc. – are part of that journey to holiness. But they aren’t all of it. You, (insert your name here), are meant to be a saint.

I really want you to sit with this idea. If we set our goals too low, we throw ourselves into listlessness and crisis. Stop selling yourself short. You were made for more. You were made to be a Saint!

There's Something Happening Here

Do you ever get that "feeling"? The "feeling" that something is going to happen, something big?

I've been having that "feeling" lately. There are times when I think it just might be my nerves getting the best of me but that isn't exactly it. While I don't doubt that nerves have something to do with it, there is something more. I’ve started taking to the idea that this is the Holy Spirit. While driving to work recently, I heard that song by Buffalo Springfield – “For What It’s Worth” – and it has the lyrics: “There's something happening here, what it is ain't exactly clear.” There truly is something happening here at St. Dominic that isn't exactly clear, but it is feeling really good. There is an energy, a life, a spirit. I can't quite put my finger on it but this "feeling" is causing me to well up with pride, with joy, with excitement.

Many Saints write about conversion and surrender, as it is a pathway to holiness. St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta would say, "We have to love until it hurts. It is not enough to say I love. We must put that love into a living action. And how do we do that? By giving until it hurts." This loving until it hurts is conversion. It is surrender because it is counter-cultural. St. Faustina brought us the depiction of surrender through the image of the Divine Mercy and the simple yet powerful prayer "Jesus, I trust in you!" Releasing oneself to the will of the Father is liberating yet terrifying. 

It is not enough to say yes to God when he has called us for himself. It's very important to put that “yes” into a living action. And how do we put that into a living action? By our total surrender to Him. We understand that He has chosen us for Himself - all that follows is that we allow Him to use us without consulting us. We are human beings and we like to know exactly what He wants, how He wants, and so on. But if we really want to be only all for Jesus, it is important that we give Him a free hand to do with us what He wants, as He wants. Only then can we really say we are only all for Jesus. - Mother Teresa of Calcutta, Thirsting for God, 2000.

There is something happening here, what it is ain't exactly clear, but guaranteed is it is guided by the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit through the intercession of our Blessed Mother.