theROCK

More Than a Feeling

As a Catholic revert, it often breaks my heart to watch people take the Eucharist so lightly. About 4 years ago, when I still considered myself a non-denominational Christian, I attended an adoration night with my new Catholic friend. I had grown up Catholic, and I was even part of Life Teen in high school, so I was familiar with adoration. I never felt like I actually felt or experienced Jesus though, so, I concluded it couldn’t be true. At this point, I thought whatever denomination you were didn’t really matter, as long as you love Jesus and show that to others.

So, at this adoration night 4 years ago, I remember when the priest brought Jesus around. I thought to myself, “I’ll give this one more chance.” The priest brought the small host in the monstrance over. I looked at Jesus and he looked at me. I still didn’t feel or experience anything spectacular.

In the coming months, I dove head first into Catholic theology, Church history, and studied the Scriptures deeper than I ever had before. I couldn’t figure out what Jesus meant by, “this is my body, this is my blood.” Was he really serious? As I learned things I had never known before, I couldn’t deny the true Presence of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. It was real. He was really, truly, present. For so many years, I had been wrong. All because I couldn’t “experience” Him there.

So often in my life, I have let my feelings guide my faith. I have learned that faith is far more than a feeling, although sometimes I do experience feelings. Faith also takes understanding, learning, and knowledge. Jesus does not ask us to blindly follow him. I realized encountering Jesus is a gift, not something to be strived after. I had a heart posture of, “Prove that you’re real,” instead of “Jesus, show me who you are and how much you love me.” Now I have a confidence and assurance that my Savior is present, whether or not I can feel him there.

Following Jesus

In the Gospel of Mark 10:17-27, we hear a story that often challenges me. We meet a young man who has always been a good person, asks what he must do to enter Heaven, and Jesus tells him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.”  

You are lacking one thing. I know most days, I have more than one thing standing between me and following Jesus with my whole heart. 

Jesus goes on to invite the young man to “come, follow me” but instead of leaving his nets like Peter and Andrew when Jesus called them, this man goes away sad, because he has many possessions he does not want to give away. He is the only person in the Gospels who does not drop everything when Jesus says, “follow me.” Most days I am more like this young man than I am like the disciples, hesitant or closed off when Jesus says: “follow me; come serve your neighbor, come embrace an uncomfortable conversation or task.” Each time I sin, I choose not to follow Jesus.  

The disciples ask an important question after this interaction, “Then who can be saved?” and Jesus so gently responds: “For human beings
it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.” I do not have to make myself perfect, but I can try each day to say “yes” in following Christ again. 

Brokenness

In Mark 2:13-17, Jesus is calling his Apostles and welcomes the tax collector, Levi, into the group. Tax collectors were considered the dregs of humanity back in Jesus’s time. They were overwhelmingly unpopular for many reasons. However, here is Jesus calling one unto himself. The text says that Levi simply got up and followed Jesus. No question. No concern. Simply obeyed. Later in that passage, Jesus is seen at dinner at Levi’s house with the other apostles and growing number of disciples. Some scribes, who were Pharisees, imagine spies for the religion police, were watching this and commenting among themselves, for how could Jesus sit among such horrid and wretched people as tax collectors and sinners. Evidently, they are above reproach. The scribes ask themselves, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” Jesus hears this and responds, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick do; I have come to call not the righteous but the sinner.” This is for sure a mic drop moment! I am fairly certain that the scribes don’t quite understand what Jesus is saying. We should, but they don’t. Jesus did not come for those who are “perfect”; He came for those who are broken. We are all broken in one way or another. Jesus came so that we may be united with Him and healed of that brokenness. We are already whole in just knowing Him, further healed by serving Him, and all consumed when loving Him. It is in our imperfection that we are made perfect. Jesus meets us right there just like He did Levi and every other poor soul at the table. It was those who already thought they were perfect that He simply couldn’t reach. I think of them as the do-gooders who are just looking for appreciation but miss the purpose of doing good, or those who can regurgitate doctrine or dogma but just can’t seem to apply it. They didn’t get it. They were unable to humble themselves.

When reading the gospel, place yourself in the story. Take a moment to read Mark 2: 13-17 and the surrounding verses. Where would you be found? Would you be at the table, in the room, in the shadows, among the scribes, out in the street? What would it sound like, smell like, feel like? If you heard this first hand, what would you be thinking? Encounter Christ here. Let him speak to you. Let your mind get carried away in the exercise. Build your relationship with Jesus.