theROCK

Pursue Reconciliation

Jesus’ message in the Matthew 18:15-20 is clear and simple – but far from easy. Resolving conflict can be painful, confusing, and difficult. But Jesus is the divine physician – not only healer and savior of our souls, but also the healer of our earthly relationships. Sometimes pain caused between two people is so harmful, so damaging, and so deep, that it may seem impossible that it can be healed or fixed. But the love of Jesus can and will break every chain, heal every broken heart, and extinguish all bitterness and resentment if we fully entrust ourselves to him.

Telling someone they hurt you takes courage. Asking forgiveness is vulnerable and humbling. It seems so simple, but when emotions get involved, trust is broken, and betrayal and hurt are at the forefront, it can be challenging what steps forward to take. How many times have I taken the easy way out by ignoring the hurt someone caused me, allowing it to fester, and building up resentment towards them? How many times have I also made excuses, trying to justify my actions instead of owning the hurt I caused someone else and asking their forgiveness?

The passage wraps up in a way that’s seemingly unrelated to his first instruction for reconciliation, but I think Jesus is getting at this: the only way Christ can be truly present among us is if we have peace and unity in the body of Christ. Where there is brokenness in the body, healing must occur. For healing to happen, the process of reconciliation must be initiated. But whose responsibility is it? Who is to blame? Should I make the first move or is it on them?

Here’s 4 valuable steps I have learned when it comes to conflict resolution in relationships based on this Biblical passage:

1. Whether you hurt someone or they hurt you, it is both parties’ responsibilities to pursue reconciliation. As the offended, it can be easy to pridefully wait for your accuser to admit their fault. Move past your pride, approach the person, and tell them how and why they hurt you and how that’s affected you. Give them an opportunity to apologize. You MUST do this, even if you think you aren’t ready to forgive them. As the offender, if you know you caused someone damage, approach them to apologize for your actions, recognize the pain that was caused, and ask them what it will take to move forward. And ask their forgiveness. In both cases – take the initiative and don’t expect the other person to do so. Both people can come away with a better understanding of the other person.
2. Tell the person how they hurt you, between just you and them. Leave others out of it. Do not gossip, do not complain about it. If it is helpful, speak to a mentor or a very close friend who will not spread rumors, but is sincerely there to help you and support you through it. Bringing others into the conflict will only hurt and compromise other relationships.
3. Don’t do nothing. “Time heals all wounds” is completely false. Time can help heal, but without pursuit of reconciliation and forgiveness, there can be no real healing. Do not brood over an offense – speak about it directly, privately, and face to face. The longer you wait, the longer the unopened wound goes untreated.
4. And rely on Jesus. Ask Jesus to heal and comfort the person’s soul whom you hurt. And if you have been hurt, pray for your offender, because they are also suffering. Rely on the Divine Physician to do the work that we can’t – which is healing. Fix your eyes on the cross and allow his forgiveness for every offense ever done to wash over you and your current situation.

Surrendering to God

I have to admit, Luke 23 makes me tear up every time I read it. The reality of Christ’s love that I don’t deserve through His bloodshed on the cross for me pierces straight into the depth of my soul as I hear my own words (paraphrased), “Jesus I deserve to be punished and you don’t. Remember me when you come into your kingdom,” and He replies, “Today you will be with me in Paradise.”

I remember hearing a powerful witness talk about Luke 23 my sophomore year of college given by a senior in our ministry. I was in tears realizing I was a lot more like the first criminal than the second. I believed I already knew everything because I grew up Catholic so I didn’t really need Him. Why was He worth fully trusting anyways? I was content with just “a little Church” in my life and would never be one of those “crazy Jesus people,” instead of humbly realizing that I was justly punishable for my sins and I was deserving of God’s wrath. I couldn’t see through the fogginess my own pride had caused. He was God and I was not. I asked Jesus if He would forgive me for thinking I knew better than Him. For demanding He prove Himself to me as a pre-requisite for believing Him and following Him. I was raised a cradle Catholic, but missed the whole point - Jesus came to rescue me from myself. He wanted me to place my faith in HIM instead of my own ability to rescue me. I realized I didn’t have much of a relationship with Him, but desired all that it could be. These were the first steps in giving up control and surrendering to Him. Jesus started to break down my walls I had built up so high that I myself was blind to it.

As I reflect on this passage today at a coffee shop in Brookfield, WI, my prayer is the same that it’s been since then: “Jesus, continue to remind me I can do nothing on my own - nothing apart from You. Help me trust that what You have to offer me is better than what I think I need, and forgive me for the ways I shut You out. Increase my trust in You and replace my pride with humility. Remind me that I need You. Help me fix my eyes on You alone, placing my faith in You, not myself."

He continues to respond to me, “Sami, take my hand and let me rescue you. I will be with you - right now and forever when you see me face to face in Paradise.”

Divine Mercy Chaplet

I was teaching fourth grade in 2009, when I became familiar with the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. I had heard the Chaplet being said on Relevant Radio. Upon hearing how the Chaplet was discussed and shared, I did my own research to learn more. By this time, Pope John Paul II had already entrusted the world to the Divine Mercy on the day of St. Faustina's canonization in 2002,and declared the second Sunday of Easter, Divine Mercy Sunday. St. Faustina was the nun associated with the message and image of the Divine Mercy. You most likely have seen it. It is a rendering of the image of Christ with his hand over his heart revealing a stream of red and blue light with the words "Jesus, I trust in you" emblazoned below it. The significance of the image is relayed in this manner from the Diary of St. Faustina:

Paint an image according to the pattern you see, with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You. I promise that the soul that will venerate this image will not perish. I also promise victory over [its] enemies already here on earth, especially at the hour of death. I Myself will defend it as My own glory (Diary, 47, 48). I am offering people a vessel with which they are to keep coming for graces to the fountain of mercy. That vessel is this image with the signature: Jesus, I trust in You (327). I desire that this image be venerated, first in your chapel, and [then] throughout the world (47). 

At the request of her spiritual director, St. Faustina asked the Lord about the meaning of the rays in the image.  

The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls. These two rays issued forth from the depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall not lay hold of him (299). By means of this image I shall grant many graces to souls. It is to be a reminder of the demands of My mercy, because even the strongest faith is of no avail without works (742). 

These words indicate that the Image represents the graces of Divine Mercy poured out upon the world, especially through Baptism and the Eucharist. 

​The message of the Divine Mercy is simple: God loves us - all of us. His mercy is greater than our sins, so that we call upon Him with trust, receive His mercy, and let it flow through us to others. When praying with the Divine Mercy, we are to follow the ABCs. 

       A - ask for His mercy
       B - be merciful
       C - completely trust in Jesus

The first time I put this into practice back in 2009, I was struggling in communicating concerns to a parent of one of my students. Despite my best efforts, our conversations would typically end up contentious and the situation unresolved. I was left feeling frustrated, misunderstood, and angry.  At times, hurtful and unkind things were said by the parent which didn't contribute anything positive to the situation. Without knowing what else to do, I called upon the Divine Mercy. I held this parent in my mind asking for mercy on our situation. I asked for forgiveness upon the hurts I felt as well as those I may have imparted. I asked the Lord for clarity in the situation. I then began to pray, very intentionally, keeping the image of that parent's face in my mind with each "For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world." By the time I completed the chaplet, I was at peace. As testimony to its power, the parent contacted me within hours, deeply remorseful for how our conversation transpired.  

After experiencing the power of the chaplet, I decided to teach my students how to pray it with the same practical approach that I had used. As a class, we did this every Friday. The chaplet is one of many prayers in my arsenal, but serves me well when I can't get past my own inadequacies and difficulties in relationships. It's healing grace soothes the worst hurts. Admittedly, I have to pray it more than once in certain situations over a longer period of time, but it brings the forgiveness and mercy it promises. 

I submit my witness. If the Chaplet of Divine Mercy is not part of your prayer routine, I would encourage you to give it a try. It can be said with a rosary or your fingers. It takes less than 15 minutes. It is tremendously powerful . Jesus, I trust in you!