theROCK

Pursue Reconciliation

Jesus’ message in the Matthew 18:15-20 is clear and simple – but far from easy. Resolving conflict can be painful, confusing, and difficult. But Jesus is the divine physician – not only healer and savior of our souls, but also the healer of our earthly relationships. Sometimes pain caused between two people is so harmful, so damaging, and so deep, that it may seem impossible that it can be healed or fixed. But the love of Jesus can and will break every chain, heal every broken heart, and extinguish all bitterness and resentment if we fully entrust ourselves to him.

Telling someone they hurt you takes courage. Asking forgiveness is vulnerable and humbling. It seems so simple, but when emotions get involved, trust is broken, and betrayal and hurt are at the forefront, it can be challenging what steps forward to take. How many times have I taken the easy way out by ignoring the hurt someone caused me, allowing it to fester, and building up resentment towards them? How many times have I also made excuses, trying to justify my actions instead of owning the hurt I caused someone else and asking their forgiveness?

The passage wraps up in a way that’s seemingly unrelated to his first instruction for reconciliation, but I think Jesus is getting at this: the only way Christ can be truly present among us is if we have peace and unity in the body of Christ. Where there is brokenness in the body, healing must occur. For healing to happen, the process of reconciliation must be initiated. But whose responsibility is it? Who is to blame? Should I make the first move or is it on them?

Here’s 4 valuable steps I have learned when it comes to conflict resolution in relationships based on this Biblical passage:

1. Whether you hurt someone or they hurt you, it is both parties’ responsibilities to pursue reconciliation. As the offended, it can be easy to pridefully wait for your accuser to admit their fault. Move past your pride, approach the person, and tell them how and why they hurt you and how that’s affected you. Give them an opportunity to apologize. You MUST do this, even if you think you aren’t ready to forgive them. As the offender, if you know you caused someone damage, approach them to apologize for your actions, recognize the pain that was caused, and ask them what it will take to move forward. And ask their forgiveness. In both cases – take the initiative and don’t expect the other person to do so. Both people can come away with a better understanding of the other person.
2. Tell the person how they hurt you, between just you and them. Leave others out of it. Do not gossip, do not complain about it. If it is helpful, speak to a mentor or a very close friend who will not spread rumors, but is sincerely there to help you and support you through it. Bringing others into the conflict will only hurt and compromise other relationships.
3. Don’t do nothing. “Time heals all wounds” is completely false. Time can help heal, but without pursuit of reconciliation and forgiveness, there can be no real healing. Do not brood over an offense – speak about it directly, privately, and face to face. The longer you wait, the longer the unopened wound goes untreated.
4. And rely on Jesus. Ask Jesus to heal and comfort the person’s soul whom you hurt. And if you have been hurt, pray for your offender, because they are also suffering. Rely on the Divine Physician to do the work that we can’t – which is healing. Fix your eyes on the cross and allow his forgiveness for every offense ever done to wash over you and your current situation.

Love Your Enemies

I recently found myself sitting in Eucharistic Adoration thinking about how weird this practice must look to someone who isn’t Catholic. A bunch of people sitting around a bedazzled piece of bread on a pedestal thinking it was God. How weird! But I believe it. I know it! First and foremost because Jesus told me He was in there. He says it at the Last Supper. It’s recorded in all four Gospels; one of the only things they all agree on. I believe in His presence in the Eucharist and I adore His presence in the Eucharist because I know Him and I trust Him and if He said it, it must be true.

So why don’t I take that approach with everything else He said?

“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”

When I read this line (and this whole Gospel), I can immediately think of people who fall into these categories; people who make my blood boil, my eyes roll, and my fist shake. Loving my enemies is so easy to do in the abstract. Okay Jesus, sure thing! But then when that driver has the audacity to drive the speed limit in the left-most lane of the highway, suddenly it’s more challenging to love that enemy. Or when the news is on and the pundits’ anger starts making my anger rise at people I don’t even know.

I think our culture thrives on creating enemies. Hatred and anger are very “in” right now. A common enemy is the number one way to unite a group of people, according to my AP World History teacher. And we are so very good at finding enemies—people to blame for the problems we have.

But Jesus didn’t leave wiggle room. Just like our stance on the Eucharist is black and white—it’s not a symbol, He really is there—so too our stance on our enemies, on those who hate us and persecute us, is crystal clear—love them. Bless them. Do kind things for them. Pray for them. Give them even more than what they take and ask for nothing in return. THIS is what makes us different from the rest of the world. THIS is what separates Christians.

Remember the saying “They’ll know we are Christians by our love?” Well I see a lot more hate than love in our world these days; sometimes even our global Church. Which makes me wonder, would others define how I live my faith more by who I hate, or more by how I love?

He's got This

Apologies to my mom in heaven and sister in Vernon who will roll their eyes as the word “got” is used thirteen times in this reflection.

Walking through the school hallway, you hear some interesting phrases. One that caught my attention was “I got this.” This phrase was more popular when our son was in grade school, complete with an inflection at the end. A few years ago, our campus access road was named “you got this.” On the softball field, a fly ball is met with “I got it.” We are proud; don’t need anyone to help us. We got this. Right?

Wrong!

While it may be true that you and I think we “got it,” the truth is we don’t “got this” and we don’t need to get it alone. The Good News is God’s got it and He provides everything we need to get it.

Fast forward to the Mass of Remembrance, a beautiful part of the grieving process. How else can you explain it? Families coming together to put their trust in God after losing a loved one. Having participated as a grieving family the past two years with the loss of my mom in 2023 and mother-in-law in 2024, it became quite clear. We don’t got it. God does.

All of us have or know people who have challenges or are suffering . . . medical issues, mental health, relationships, finances, and a host of other things. I am not saying doctors don’t play a part (lest the Pastor get upset with me), and we certainly have an important role in dealing with our own issues and those of someone we love or simply know. God puts the people we need right in front of us. Sometimes we are the person who is called to be the support and guidance needed for another.

What can we do? Pray. Pray WITH others...right then and right there. Be Christ to someone in that moment. Don’t worry, He will give you what you need in the moment.

Lean in. “Let go and Let God.” Give it to Him fully and without reservation. Listen to Him. While we “got a little,” He’s got it all. All we need to do is ask Him and trust Him. One day we hope to understand His reasons for all that occurs in our lives, the blessings and the challenges. For now, just know . . . He’s Got This.