theROCK

I Want Jesus

Recently, I was reading a book on Mother Teresa. It told a story from the end of her life that struck me.  

One time when she was in the hospital and too weak to speak, she motioned to one of the sisters to bring her a piece of paper and a pen. Then with great difficulty, she wrote out the words, “I want Jesus.” In the days she was in the hospital, she had not been able to go to Mass and deeply desired to receive the Eucharist so that Jesus could be even closer to her in this time of suffering. 

As I considered this story and today’s Gospel, I found myself thinking about the times I do not put my love of Jesus first, the times I place keeping peace in relationships, my “free time,” sleep, and so many other things before my relationship with Jesus, the one who loves me so much more than I could ever imagine. I found myself remembering the times I have resisted picking up my cross, the times I have avoided leaning into difficult relationships, or have tried to avoid suffering. Oh how I need to repent and turn back to the Lord over and over again!  

As I continued to pray, Jesus then reminded me of the times when I have continued to show up to prayer, when I’ve tried to grow in love for my neighbor, where I’ve tried to embrace suffering and turn to him in it. It has been in these times that Jesus has invited me deeper and ultimately made me more and more into the woman he has created me to be. 

This week I am asking the Lord to help make my prayer more open to his invitations so that I can begin to say “I want Jesus” every day of my life. 

Take a Step Toward Sainthood

Sometimes when I hear stories of the Saints, especially those who have stories of heroic martyrdoms, I can feel discouraged, because I wonder how on earth I could ever live a life of that much virtue or a life of holiness that I could courageously die for my faith or suffer through chronic pain or emotional sufferings without complaining.  

Recently, a friend started to tell me the story of one of her favorite Saints, St. Cecilia, who was a second century martyr, and I was prepared to be overwhelmingly discouraged by her story. However, instead of telling the whole story, this friend shared with me one moment of the story that she had been meditating on. Because it was just one moment of the story, I found myself saying, “I can imitate that virtue in her! That one thing is not too hard for me today!” 

Sometimes prayer feels overwhelming too; there are so many hurting people in our lives, Scripture can be confusing, or maybe we don’t know where to start with the Lord.  

Today, the Lord’s invitation to Peter and Andrew is simple: “Come after me.” He doesn’t expect them to have it all figured out. He just invites them to take a step as they begin to follow him. St. Cecilia, when asked her name as she stood on trial for her faith, was able to respond: “my name is Cecilia, but my more beautiful name is that of Christian.” She probably did not have the courage to say those words on her first day of following the Lord, but little by little as she took one step at a time, she came to know the Lord and the great gift of her faith. Don’t be afraid to take one or two steps this week. The Lord is good and just wants to love you!  

Rationalizing Sin

About a year ago I was hanging out with some friends I had a not seen in a while. During our conversation one of my friends said something along the lines of, “that’s wicked,” to which another friend said, “do you mean good wicked or bad wicked?”

While in the context I knew why my friend asked that question, it was tough to know if wicked was being used in its proper form or as a slang way of saying “that’s cool.” I could not help but think how that question reflected all of us. The word wicked properly means morally wrong or evil, in slang it means awesome or excellent. How a word can have very different, even opposite meanings, may seem strange, but I do not think so if we take a minute to realize how often we do this in our own life.

We love to rationalize and put a positive spin on things, especially when it comes to things which are by definition evil or morally bad. This is becoming more and more prevalent in our larger culture, but we do this with ourselves as well. We try to make the sin or bad habit in our life “good” by changing what it is, think of a “white lie.” We rationalize the bad that we do and say, “well it isn’t that bad” or we justify the sin of others saying, “he’s a good person, he doesn’t mean to hurt anyone.” Now both of those can be true, but it is also true that wicked is wicked, evil is evil, sin is sin, and no amount of slang can change that.

This simple exchange between my friends clearly stuck with me and has become a point of reflection that I go back to every so often, which I would like to invite you into as well. What is the sin or bad habit in my life I am trying to redefine and make good? What am I trying to place “good” in front of so I can keep doing it?

This is the opposite of what Christ does and what he invites us to. He does not redefine things to make it easier, he changes and invites us to conversion. He does not want us to be “good” sinners, he wants us to be saints. This is far more challenging than a redefinition, but it is also far less confusing. For with Christ we never have to ask, “do you mean good holiness or bad holiness?”