theROCK

Identity Crisis

When you were a kid, what did you think it meant to be an adult? Get married? Have kids? Buy a house? Build a career? And once you did all those things, then what? Get promotions? Help your kids get into college? And once those are or were complete, what next? Once your kids are in college and out of the house, how will you define your life? After you retire, what then?

I think the way we have come to define our lives—by these worldly, societal values—has created in many of us a reoccurring identity crisis. We set our eyes on these goals and find life’s meaning in accomplishing them, make our entire identities about them, and once we meet them, then what? Who am I now that I’ve met all the goals and checked all the boxes of adulthood? Who am I now that I’m retired? Who am I now that my kids don’t really need me anymore? Oh…but grandkids!

You see, the problem isn’t that these goals are bad. No, family, job, house, are all wonderful and important parts of life, but they are ultimately NOT what define us as humans. Our life is not meant to be defined by the things that we do. It was defined for us before we were even born: “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jeremiah 1:5).

I’d like to propose the idea that we as a society, are setting our goals too low. We are looking to the things of this world to define us and give life meaning (family, job, etc.), instead of the things of God. And as a result, we are experiencing tremendous identity crisis.

We were made to be saints. Every single one of us. Pope Francis tells us “The Lord wants us to be saints and not to settle for a bland and mediocre existence” (Gaudete et exsultate, 1). The Catechism of the Catholic Church goes on to say: “All Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life…All are called to holiness” (CCC, 2013).

THIS is the ultimate goal for all humans: to be holy, to be saints. That is our true identity. And the makeup of our life – our family, our careers, etc. – are part of that journey to holiness. But they aren’t all of it. You, (insert your name here), are meant to be a saint.

I really want you to sit with this idea. If we set our goals too low, we throw ourselves into listlessness and crisis. Stop selling yourself short. You were made for more. You were made to be a Saint!

The Big Reveal

One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions was always going to dinner at my grandma’s house. In the corner of her dining room there was a wooden China cabinet, beautifully carved and holding a collection of colorful, decorative plates. These plates were special—used only for the most important occasions.

Every year, I would arrive at my grandma's house early, excited to help set the table. My first task was always to open the cabinet doors and admire the plates. Each one was unique, with vibrant colors and intricate designs. Some plates were delicate, with soft floral patterns in pinks and purples, while others featured angels with golden halos or paisley swirls in rich blues and greens. There were also plates with nature inspired designs—trees, birds, and leaves that captured the beauty of the outdoors. The plates were also different sizes and each one reflected its own charm. I always looked forward to discovering which plate would be mine. I loved the idea of each plate holding my delicious Thanksgiving meal, but even more, it was about the tradition, the beauty, and the mystery of which plate would grace my spot at the table.

What made the tradition even more special was my grandma’s secret touch. Before dinner, she would sneak into the dining room and place a name card beneath each plate. No one knew whose name would be under their plate until we were all seated. After we said our prayer, it was time for the big reveal. “Now, look beneath your plate,” grandma would say, her voice full of warmth. We’d lift the plates, and there it was—a name, neatly written on a small card. The name on the card was always a surprise, and it was always meaningful. Before we ate, we would go around the table, sharing something we loved or appreciated about the person whose name was beneath our plate. It could be a simple memory or a heartfelt compliment, but it always brought a smile and a sense of connection to everyone at the table.

This year, as Thanksgiving approached, I began thinking about this tradition in a different light. It made me reflect on our relationship with God. Just as my name was lovingly placed under my plate, I realized that God has our names always beneath His “plate”—the plate of His love. God created us, and He loves us deeply. That love never changes, no matter the season or the year. This holiday season, I am choosing to reflect on how much God truly loves me, and I am eager to understand just a little bit more of that unending love.

He's got This

Apologies to my mom in heaven and sister in Vernon who will roll their eyes as the word “got” is used thirteen times in this reflection.

Walking through the school hallway, you hear some interesting phrases. One that caught my attention was “I got this.” This phrase was more popular when our son was in grade school, complete with an inflection at the end. A few years ago, our campus access road was named “you got this.” On the softball field, a fly ball is met with “I got it.” We are proud; don’t need anyone to help us. We got this. Right?

Wrong!

While it may be true that you and I think we “got it,” the truth is we don’t “got this” and we don’t need to get it alone. The Good News is God’s got it and He provides everything we need to get it.

Fast forward to the Mass of Remembrance, a beautiful part of the grieving process. How else can you explain it? Families coming together to put their trust in God after losing a loved one. Having participated as a grieving family the past two years with the loss of my mom in 2023 and mother-in-law in 2024, it became quite clear. We don’t got it. God does.

All of us have or know people who have challenges or are suffering . . . medical issues, mental health, relationships, finances, and a host of other things. I am not saying doctors don’t play a part (lest the Pastor get upset with me), and we certainly have an important role in dealing with our own issues and those of someone we love or simply know. God puts the people we need right in front of us. Sometimes we are the person who is called to be the support and guidance needed for another.

What can we do? Pray. Pray WITH others...right then and right there. Be Christ to someone in that moment. Don’t worry, He will give you what you need in the moment.

Lean in. “Let go and Let God.” Give it to Him fully and without reservation. Listen to Him. While we “got a little,” He’s got it all. All we need to do is ask Him and trust Him. One day we hope to understand His reasons for all that occurs in our lives, the blessings and the challenges. For now, just know . . . He’s Got This.